The complexity of Depression is such that its very much a illness that isn't consistent from one person to the next which is probably why its on those things that becomes a difficult solution for people within inner circles of sufferers only because there isn't a blanket rule to treating the issue. Some people, like myself its exercise or making jokes at my own expense, for others it might be just wanting to be heard, some others need time alone.
For people that have known me, Depression has been one of my biggest issues for many years. Its been a major reason why I've had to quit jobs, move away from home, lost friends and mostly doubt myself and live a life of exclusion and nil confidence in fear that I would never quite be good enough. Even at 28, i still have the odd day where it hits me hard and really does a number on me.
For people that dont know me so well, they often probably see a guy who has a real zest for wanting to make people laugh and enjoy themselves and I guess that's probably the biggest mask alot of people put on on the basis that its easier to pretend to be that way, without having the uncomfortable questioning about why things are they way they are.
It was probably at its worst at two points in my lifetime. When i was about 13, fresh into high school and I really struggled with the battles of having to make friends. my body changing and not being able to understand my thought process. The other time being late last year, when a collection of issues resulted in a relationship breakdown and at the time losing everything that i had spent a long time building up. I guess for me, last year was a realization that, no matter how old i get, this is who I am, and unless i learn better to deal with that fact, things wont ever change.
I'm lucky, I've had enough support in my life to keep myself here. Some people aren't. It breaks my heart hearing people that are suffering or have gone to the last resort of suicide because they feel trapped in a cycle they cant get out of. I hate hearing the 'selfish' blame game i hear all the time because that is just a cop out misunderstanding.
I've always said this and it will always remain the same, I'll always have an ear for someone who ever wants it. I'll always have time for anyone who ever wants to speak. I refuse to let others suffer the silent pain I know too well.
A quick thanks to anyone and everyone that has and will continue to support me from now until the end. I hope this inspires others to speak up and let it off their chest. I hope this allows people that may not suffer to understand how it may not be easy to just 'speak' or 'get over it; and how sometimes just lending an ear may be just be the thing that helps save a life.
