Teacher pulls perfect suplex: Keeps job

Teacher pulls perfect suplex: Keeps job

At Hurstville, in trying to restrain a child, a teacher performed a suplex manoeuvre, but remarkably kept his job. The problem arose when the student apparently played the clarinet, much to Dews' dismay. The teacher claims that although a suplex is not a proper restraining technique, if performed correctly, it is deemed acceptable. The 'Morrison Effect' News rang the 'NSW Board of Studies' rang to verify this, but did not claim that this was the rule in place, however if proven that it was a perfect suplex, the teacher at fault, Joe Dews, will get a pay rise of 300% and a free latex uniform. We called Craig Smith and he issued a statement back saying; “Although this kind of method is unacceptable, we found that he did the suplex perfectly, making him clear of any wrong doing. The student admitted he never should have got in that situation and happily admits it was the perfect suplex, making it fine for it to be done to him” .

We seeked comment from the student, also known as “Fantastic Spastic” by his peers, but word was he was too embarrassed to show his face. The Teacher Joe Dews had this to say in his latest press conference:”I’m so glad that the suplex came off cause I would have been in a bit of strife, but who cares about that because it did. Id like to thank the student who picked on me which made me try the suplex, my sub-ordinates for allowing me to pull and awesome move off like that. I'm still going to be committed to working as a teacher, even with the ever mounting number of request to be managed by someone, and the millions of people who want to be suplexed by me”

I don’t know where this puts the future in schooling restraints. Will more try to challenge the legendary Dews or will they be too scared to pull it off?? A sign now remains in his classroom saying “No fear exists in this Dojo”, but I’m not sure the student feel that way anymore.